The Things I Do for a Sookie Book

My love for Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse series makes me do some things that are a bit … odd. I suspect I’m not alone in this. So, as we approach the release of the 12th Sookie book, I thought I’d share with you one of my more colorful fangirl moments.

Patience is not a Virtue

Perhaps it is a symptom of growing up in a family that opened our presents on Christmas Eve, but I have difficulty waiting for things. At the time I was introduced to the Sookie novels, there were nine books published and I tore through them in a 3-week span. Thus, the approximate six-month wait until the tenth book, Dead in the Family (DITF), was agony.

As the weeks slowly ticked away, and the release date inched closer, I started to think about how I would go about purchasing the book. My favorite spot to buy books is a local independent book store. However, it is several miles from my house so that means I have to do my book shopping on a weekend.  As the new Sookie book came out on a Tuesday, there was NO WAY I was going to wait four more days in order to buy the book. With my favorite book buying option closed, I had to settle on an alternative. I quickly vetoed Amazon.com (what if the book wasn’t delivered on the release date?) and settled on a Barnes and Noble (B&N) near my house.

Settled, right? Wrong.

A day before the release date, a couple of women on an Internet discussion board, I used to frequent, were absolutely thrilled; they’d ordered the book off Amazon and it arrived a day early. I was so upset. Here, I had vetoed ordering off Amazon because I was afraid it wouldn’t arrive on time.

“I could be reading Dead in the Family, right now!” I mourned.

Well, my inner fangirl was not going to be denied. Knowing that the books had to be in the back room of B&N, I developed a stupid cunning plan.

This is how my plan worked in my head: I would go to B&N. I would pretend that I thought the book had already been released. When I would ask an associate where the book was, they would explain that it wasn’t due to come out until tomorrow. I’d explain that I was leaving for a business trip to Greeley (FYI: small town with no B&N) the next day and I hoped to buy the book for my trip. I’d then ask them if they could look up the address of the Greeley B&N (haha). Of course they would discover, if they didn’t already know, there was no Greeley store. I would then say, “Well, people in Greeley must read, I’ll just buy the book at another book store up there.” The associate not wanting any B&N to lose a sale, and knowing the books were already in the back room, would offer to sell it to me a day early.

Like I said, that is how the plan worked in my head. Here is how it worked in reality: I went to B&N. After I looked around the shelves (just in case they accidentally put the book out a day early), I found an associate and asked her where the new Sookie book was. She went over to the computer to look it up and, of course, she discovered the book wasn’t scheduled to be released until the next day. I then proceeded with my Greeley business trip bullshit story. She searched the computer for the “Greeley location’s” address. Of course, she could not find one. However, she was really certain there was a Greeley location, and by “certain” I mean she spent 15 minutes on the problem. She was trying search feature after search feature because she knew they just HAD to have a Greeley location. I nearly broke character because I felt so bad she was spending so much time trying to help me on, what I knew to be, a fruitless search.

Finally, she accepted the fact that there was no Greeley location. Cue me uttering the line, “Well, people in Greeley must read, I’ll just purchase it at another book store up there.” However, instead of her offering to sell me the book a day early, she told me I could put it on hold; they would reserve me a copy. I told her I would be in Greeley for a week and I really wanted the book that week so I could read it during my trip. She told me if I did purchase it up there I could always take it off hold. I felt so bad that she had spent so much time trying to help me, and being that I was going to purchase it the next day anyway, I relented.

On my drive home from B&N, it dawned on me that I couldn’t purchase it from that location. I had told her that I would be in Greeley for a week. What if she saw me the next day? She would know my story was bullshit. But she spent so much time helping me I didn’t want her store to lose a sale. However, I sure as hell wasn’t going to wait a week for the book. I briefly considered buying two copies (one tomorrow and the other a week later from that location) but I vetoed this because I didn’t want to spend that much money.

So the next day I bought the book from Borders and I called B&N to have them take it off hold and I felt really guilty (I’m a terrible liar).

Yes, my love for the Sookie books makes me do some really stupid things.

Reminiscing about this event has made me decide that I am going to purchase Deadlocked from that B&N; I owe them a sale. And I am going to go in on May 1st. I will NOT try to get them sell it to me a day early.

Maybe.

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